PENUEL (I have seen God face to face and survived)



I bribed my way through favour
Grabbing and holding unto power
Unto the glitters and colours of the earth
- Yet I remained unfulfilled

I made gains both small and great
A mighty man blessed indeed
With wealth and wisdom and what have you
- Yet unhappy I remained

My bounty a sackful I carried all my life
Hoping its presence could grant me happiness
Holding on tight to it's weight
- Yet a weary soul I remained

Until mercy came and attacked my lie
Grace exposed the deceit I wore quite well
And brought to light the ashes I was 
- Yet I fought back

I scratched and punched and kicked
Afraid to be humbled and healed
Afraid to surrender my image
-Yet you didn't leave

Your hands- those fingers that moulded me
The channel through which I came into being
Your merciful hands - the rod that hurts yet saves
- You broke me

It was pain that opened me up
Allowed me to see you face to face
It was sorrow deep and lonely
-That brought me to you

''Bless me lord, bless me lord
I won't let go till you bless me lord''


Whatever I was called matters no more
Today, mercy broke me 
And grace called me by a new name
- I am a new creature

I need not have sleepless nights 
Worrying about my pain and shame
Or the gains I let go to find you
- Today I count it all as loss

A greater power I now possess
I am anointed, distinguished, blessed...
I am Penuel - For I have seen God face to face, 
And survived

Bio

JLF Maikaho was born and raised in Gombe state, Nigeria. She writes poetry and fiction and sometimes dabbles in nonfiction. When she’s not writing at midnight or reading esoteric literature, she’d be caught wondering why she wishes it would rain everyday.