she carries darkness into the forest
dazed with obtuse undifferentiated gossip
seeks refuge in the solitude

of silent oaks
speaking truth
about hardship
in her imagination

she paints bare buildings
vacant meadows, cold mountains
lonely city streets
details hazy, incomplete
hidden in shadows

although she is young
her eyes grow glaucoma blue —

hazy blue
as sea reflecting sky
like sunlight in water

she looks through you

she closes her eyes
doubting that god,
the universe,
or anyone
out there

listens or cares

she feels nothing now

only nausea and aching yearning
to drift away somehow

alone –

never expecting
to be missed
dying for relief of loneliness
dying for someone
to have and hold

and still —

never expecting
to be kissed

she opens her eyes
sees the knife on the table
picks it up,

touches the cold sharp steel
and feels able
to end her life

but doesn’t try

without someone
to tell her goodbye
and dying to know
someone

to say hello

then she remembers God
and feels love.

she is never alone.