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Religious institutions fight against sex before marriage, they preach against impurity because of the disastrous event that comes after it. The Bible solely warns in Hebrews 13:4 that marriage is honourable in all and the bed undefiled, but what about situations whereby one’s bed was defiled by force or without the person’s consent?
Larger percentage of people are being raped or abused yearly and they are mostly between the age of 3-10years old, maybe because this is the time the child easily loves and trust those around her but the wounds of these actions are carved in the hearts and minds of these little ones that even after they eventually get healed it ends up leaving scars in their hearts for life if not properly dealt with.
How do you tell a child that was raped and abused severely at a tender age that God created sex and saw that it was good? Wouldn’t she see God as a mighty wicked being? How do you tell her that one of the things that make marriage beautiful is the act or celebration of love which is also known as sex? How do you let her know that the fruits of marriage (children) cannot be created except through sex? She hears all these and she wonders why God would create such an evil thing as sex because the only thing she can picture are the forceful and shameful act that was done to her by those men while she was growing up yet they say love is selfless but she can’t just see it.
Many of us have different ways of handling the sexual abuses we’ve faced in life, some of us end up staying away from men even to the point that it becomes hard to choose a life partner, while some end up seeking for revenge by having sex with whichever man who comes their way – their way of dealing with it. But what is common to both parties is that they “hate men” and this is as a result of the distrust they have built over the years, but would you blame them for hating men when the first second or even their third impression they have about men is the selfish and beastly nature of men…?
The scars left in the hearts of the abused or raped brings tormenting feeling or thought to them from time to time and it is during this period that some girls become very nasty, some become moody, some angry, while some just resist any type of communication at that moment and crawl back into their shell. Some people are blamed for having nasty attitudes; note that not all those who have bad attitudes are victims of abuse or rape, am only saying that the person you are blaming for acting wrongly might just have been a victim of abuse or rape and that might just be one of her trying moments as a side effect of what she has faced.
Many of these victims end up blaming their selves one way or the other by asking several questions starting with “what if”. What if I did not go there? What if I did not live with them? What if I was not wearing those clothes? Etcetera. They are affected too in other areas of their lives and it’s quite funny that we are in a country where it is forbidden for parents to have sex talks with their children because they feel it’s not morally right and this makes it more difficult for a child to tell her parent about her sexual abuse.
But there is a way out of this psychological trauma and consuming hatred. Introducing you to LOVE is the way (John 14:6). LOVE has a beautiful way of turning bad into good, and also help in getting rid of all the guilt, hatred you have been habouring in the past years all you need to do is that you should be ready to let go and let Him in to make you pure and whole again, He is ever ready for you and his Love is totally selfless, all-consuming and unconditional.
Awonusi Temitope Aina is a writer, currently a studying Philosophy at the University of Ibadan.